True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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