I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
