see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
