My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
even my farts smell like vagina
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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