hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We talked him into tasing himself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
