Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
