OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
