Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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