I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There r osticjed everywhere
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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