I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
