is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
