dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
