I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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