Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
