When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
