You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
