Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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