I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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