i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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