Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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