i will never coherently bang her
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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