I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
