There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
