guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
