Sry I called you an 8
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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