I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
