HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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