soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
