Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
