a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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