Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
