Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
