If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
