and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
