the condom got lost in my hair
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
