you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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