need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
