Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
