come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
