If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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