i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
