My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
