Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
