"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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