you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
