If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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