there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
vagina is talking i cant
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
