I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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