I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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