When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
